I’ve been quiet online. The specter of self-censorship has teamed up with the ghost of having once had something to say, and I’ve stopped tweeting, stopped posting much, stopped posting to facebook. My interaction online has stepped back into a timid, tentative habit of ‘liking’ and commenting mildly. And yet these spaces still feel like an important part of my world; it feels like I spend at least half my day reading posts, status updates, tweets, and threads. I actually don’t miss any. For friends and people I follow, I read every. single. post.
It’s as if I’m sitting in this big internet room watching all the conversations going on, eavesdropping on the parts I can make out — but I’m not actually conversing with anyone. I mean, I have a friend in this little corner, and I tend to turn to him in meatspace and make my editorial comments, but I don’t venture out of our little booth.
It’s too much. The balance is all wrong. I’m trying so hard to hear everything—or snatches of everything—that I forget to stop and think about whether I have anything to add. I’m going to try a diet. I’m going to try letting some of it go by, not caring if I miss some posts. Well, I fully expect to care, but I’m going to try to miss some things. I’m going to try not to read every last one. I’m going to try to reset the balance between speaking and listening.
